After a few very rough years struggling with depression I finally started making a little progress in helping myself feel a little better. I started trying to actually talk to my counselor a little more, and making commitments not to harm myself. I started taking some Anti-Depressants, doing some daily exercise, and working with my bishop to get myself worthy again. I still struggled with depression, but for the time being I felt okay. Although I felt that the Anti-Depressants did help me to not hit rock bottom as often, I also felt like I could not feel happiness either, like I was stuck feeling numb to every emotion.
(FYI: Names of people have been changed in these blogs)
Even though I still struggled with self-esteem issues, I felt like I finally had a couple tools to keep me a little more sane, and I was trying to continue doing the positive things, attempting to change my life.
However, a couple months later (Junior Year-16 yrs. old) I met Jared. I had seen him around school, but had never really talked to him until we ended up in the same weights class, the last semester of my Junior year. I heard a little bit about the reputation he had, he claimed he was atheist, a bit of a rebel, jock on the football/wrestling team, and my friends warned me not to date him. Normally I would not go for this type of guy, especially where I was in the process of trying to rebuild myself, but for some reason I was so drawn to him. We started chatting, became good friends, and I felt like I could really connect with him and be myself. He wanted to become boyfriend/girlfriend, and I was hesitant at first; then I made him the deal that I would only date him if he understood that if he ever wanted to get more serious with me he would need to be a member of the LDS church. He was familiar with the religion, and he was technically LDS, but he was just at a point where he didn't want to "believe" that there really was a God. I had made a commitment that I would not marry someone who wasn't LDS, because religion was something that was very important to me, and I wanted to be able to share those same values with my husband. He agreed, and we started dating; life felt great for a while, and I felt happy again. Little did I know at the time, that I should have listened to my gut feeling and just ran FAR FAR AWAY from that guy. I was about to get myself into one big nightmare of a mess, something that would haunt me for the rest of my life....
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