I was beyond sick of all of the drama and rumors which were being spread around my high school about me, and I was sick of everything that was going on within our relationship. Along with that, Jared's family had also started blaming me for his depression problems. They claimed that they had never noticed that he had a problem until I came around. The truth is, they only started noticing more that I was around, because I was constantly begging his parent's to keep and eye on him; since he was always threatening suicide to me. He had depression/anger problems long before he met me, he admitted that, and previous girlfriends of his also verified that. I was sick of feeling trapped trying to save him when I didn't even know how to save myself, and could not handle being blamed for his problems on top of that, when I felt like I was the only one actually trying to help him.
I made up my mind that I needed to get away, I felt like I was literally going to go completely insane if I did not leave, I COULD NOT take anymore. When my family went to sleep, I started packing up my belongings, I had decided to run away (childish I know, but I honestly could not bear to stick around another day). I honestly did not care where to, or how long it would last, I just needed to get away. A friend of mine, Jason, lived up in Northern Utah, and he agreed to let me stay there until I got back on my feet again. I had never met Jason in person before, but had talked to him for a few years and became good friends, so I felt I could trust him. And compared to what I was running away from, I figured it couldn't get any worse then what I was already leaving behind.
My plan was to start again somewhere new, I was hoping to start school again in the new area, and live with my friend until I could get a new job and afford my own place. Of course, I hadn't done a ton of planning, because my main concern was just to get away from the living hell I was stuck in. This was something that I had in the back of my mind for months before as a back-up plan, so it was something that was already discussed with my friend, and I figured I could make it work.
I left my house around 2:00 AM that morning, and left my parents a note behind letting them know where I had gone, and what my plan was. Of course I knew they would be worried, but at the time I honestly felt like I had no other choice, I needed to do it for my own sanity's sake. I started my 4 hour journey, to what I was hoping would be freedom, a new start. I was terrified, anxious, depressed, and excited all at the same time. I was so exhausted in every way, and I had a million thoughts running through my mind, but I tried to focus all my concentration on just getting to my destination safely. I ended up reaching my destination close to 7:00 AM that morning, I met up with my friend and drove my car back to his place.
I was exhausted, so I pretty much went straight to the couch and passed out for a few hours. Jason woke me up to let me know he was going to work (at Walmart) and told me a few other details before taking off for the day. After getting a couple hours of sleep, I decided I would go to Walmart to grab a few things, because I really didn't want to be at his place when his roommate got home. All of my stuff was still crammed in my car, but I decided I would unpack later when Jason got home. That morning I had been texting my mom and a friend of mine back and forth to let them know what was going on, and they were both trying to convince me to come home. Part of me wanted to go back home, but the other part was way too terrified to have to deal with Jared any longer.
I arrived at Walmart, I basically was just there to kill time, so I bought a few random items. They included seat covers for my car, some junk food, etc. I was still mentally and emotionally fried, and with my current state of mind I really shouldn't have been driving at all. I also have to mention the fact that I am from a small town, and I really had not driven anywhere but in that area so far, so coming up to this big city was so much different for me, and I was terrified to drive among that much traffic.
On my way out of the parking lot, I was attempting to make a left-hand turn onto the highway, and a bunch of cars had pilled up behind me waiting for me to go. I already felt like my brain was going to explode because of everything going on, I was stressed because of the traffic and the impatient drivers behind me, so I felt pressured to pull out before I should have. I waited for the highway to clear up somewhat, but there was still a minivan coming the opposite direction, they were still pretty far away so I figured I could make it...
I pulled out onto the highway to turn left, and all of a sudden it seemed like the minivan was moving much faster, I looked out of the corner of my eye and that's when I realized that I was going to get hit, there was no avoiding it. The thought rolled across my mind, "Well I guess this is it, I'm going to die," but for some reason I also felt semi peaceful inside, instead of freaking out that I was about to get plowed into. The van T-Boned my car on the drivers side, and my car did a 360, completing the spin so that I was facing the oncoming traffic. Not only did I just get hit, but now I was facing oncoming traffic, so I figured there was no way I was going to make it out of this. Luckily the vehicles coming my way were able to see the wreck soon enough to stop so that they would not hit me. I sat in my car just staring off, I felt so dazed, I'm pretty sure I was in shock. All of a sudden there was a cop at my passenger side door knocking on my window saying "Miss...you need to get something on that wound right away, put some pressure on your head!" It wasn't until he said that, that I glanced up into my rear view mirror and noticed the crater of a cut that I had on my forehead; I could see what looked like the bone in my forehead, and had blood all over my face, dripping down on my neck and to my chest. I reached into my backseat and grabbed a jacket of mine to press against my head.
The paramedics had arrived, but they were concerned that I may have broke or injured my neck, so they did not want to try and pull me out from the passenger side door. The door on my drivers side was sealed shut from the impact, so they ended up needing to use the Jaws Of Life to cut my car open and pull me out. First they broke my window, then cut the door before they pulled me out and carefully placed me on a stretcher. I felt pretty ridiculous laying there, I was completely strapped down to the stretcher, from the straps on my feet up to the straps across my head, they wanted me to be as still as possible since they weren't sure if anything was broken yet.
They loaded me into the ambulance and began asking me questions about my identity, what I remembered, etc. It was at that point that the paramedics told me that I was lucky to be alive, they told me that if the van would have hit just a few inches further towards my driver door, I would have either been crushed to the point where I would have been paralyzed from the waist down, or crushed to death. Where the van hit my car, it crushed the side of the car inward at least a foot in length. That was definitely an eye opener for me; to hear that a matter of inches could have meant that I would be paralyzed for the rest of my life, or killed. After we arrived to the hospital, I had what seemed like a million X-Rays to determine whether or not I had broke anything. Luckily, nothing was broken, and I was able to escape the wreck with only bruises and the cut on my forehead. I did end up needing two layers of stitches in my forehead since the wound was so deep.
The next issue was my friend Jason had no idea where I was, or that I had been in a wreck, and I had accidentally left my cell phone at his house so I had no way to contact him.
My car was completely totaled, all of my belongings were in my car, and I was stuck 4 hours away from home. My family was eventually contacted about my wreck, and Jason was able to find out as well, luckily my sister and brother-in-law were able to come pick me up. The last 48 hours had been so much to take in, and I felt like I was still in a state of shock from everything that was going on. Of course Jared had also been texting/calling me all day long begging me to come home, that he would treat me better, and he was sorry. I was looking forward to being able to go back home to my family, but I was not looking forward to being stuck with Jared again. The one good thing that I felt like did come from this event is I think my family finally realized that what I was stuck in was serious, and I REALLY needed help. Looking back now, I think there is also a reason why I wrecked and ended up needing to go home; because knowing who Jason is now I'm sure matters would have gotten a lot worse had I actually had stayed with him.
For the meantime I was home, I felt completely numb and lost to my surroundings, but at least I knew I was home with my family. I don't think I was ever so happy to be back in my own home. And for now I had a couple days to try and think things out before having to see Jared again; I really wished I did not have to come home to that part of my life though. I needed to get away from him...and I had no idea how.
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